In Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield, a masterpiece Simpsons episode, Homer tries to drive the battered family car to a country club in the hopes of using its valet parking. Marge is mortified and doesn’t let him, making the family walk rather than betray the fact that they don’t belong there.

At Buxton Crescent Hotel & Spa, the newest addition to the Champneys luxury spa chain, valet parking is £30 a day. As part of the review package, this was free. But we felt very ‘Marge’ about it and agreed we couldn’t let our ancient Vauxhall Astra near this fancy hotel. The sat nav took us right onto the beautiful historic crescent, however, and at check-in we realised that driving elsewhere would make us late for our treatments, so we cringed and handed over the key. Later, my husband Ol walked out to find the concierge taking photos of each and every scratch and dent on our car before it could be moved. Ol joked about the state of it and the concierge didn’t make us feel like the poor relations. Nevertheless, that Simpsons scene was in my head for the duration of our stay.

The website says that Buxton Crescent is ‘the reincarnation of two once-upon-a-time grand and gracious hotels, well known throughout Georgian England as the premier resting place for stylish spa seekers who travelled from across the country to bathe in Buxton’s famed thermal waters’. I wonder if the Georgians who flocked there thought of themselves as stylish? The clientele of 2026 can certainly claim that moniker – think Ray-Bans, Porsches, Rolex watches. I just hoped nobody could tell we were primarily dressed in Primark.

We did stand out a little after some confusion on check-in meant that we ended up standing fully clothed, with our bags, in a ‘relaxation room’ of people who were lounging in robes. Unsure of where to go, what to do, or whether our outdoor shoes and tatty cases would destroy this carefully curated wellness microclimate, eventually we were rescued for our Champneys massages.

My treatment room had a beautiful stained glass window. I understand them making a feature of this, but the fact there was no blind or curtain was disconcerting. I was convinced the public would spot me if I did as I was told and stripped naked before donning the paper knickers. The therapist assured me that “we can see out, they can’t see in”. But it didn’t make for the most relaxing start.

Sadly, the thermal pool was out of action on the day we stayed, but the relaxation pool and rooftop outdoor pool were open and they were glorious. The food in the restaurant was unbelievably good – particularly the vegan dark chocolate honeycomb torte with tonka bean caramel ice cream. My god, it was off the charts. The staff were lovely and didn’t make us feel like plebs for getting a bowl of chips with our fine-dining mains. The breakfast didn’t disappoint, either, with a huge choice on offer and off-menu requests no problem.

We were in one of the Attic Superior rooms, bursting with gorgeous original features (but try not to walk into a floor-to-ceiling beam when you get up for a wee in the night). The bed was sumptuous – I could have slept for centuries. Overall, we had a fabulous night away and I’d thoroughly recommend the place. Stylish or not, those Georgians were on to something.

By Amy Stone

Main image: credit Buxton Crescent

 

For more information about Buxton Crescent Hotel & Spa, click here.