“It makes me feel like a snowflake,” I say. “The kind of person who Nigel Farage complains about. But my kids watching Gladiators makes me uneasy.”
I blurt this out, like a confession in a therapy circle. Adam Farrer, author of Broken Biscuits and Other Male Failures, listens patiently and nods. I’m interviewing him about his new book but I’ve managed to turn it into a counselling session about parenting anxiety and TV shows which pit elite athletes against pumped-up members of the public. I wonder if he gets this a lot – people reading his life writing and instantly wanting to share similar outpourings.
Broken Biscuits is a collection of deeply personal essays exploring ‘failed’ masculinity in which Farrer shares so much of himself that it’s hard not to feel as if you know him. I ask whether this is a problem, but he doesn’t see it that way. A major motivation for the book was to encourage people to talk – particularly men. So, if he achieves that, he’s happy. At book signings, he says, people really open up. He recalls a man who was giddy to tell him a story about his prostate exam.
“That’s the sort of open communication I want to encourage, bringing people together through stories. It’s magical when I see that happening.”
The book came about, in part, through Farrer’s own embarrassing medical incident which resulted in him being circumcised as an adult. In the aftermath, he discovered that many men suffer in silence, which can result in tragic consequences.
“They were literally killing themselves rather than talk about it,” says Farrer. “So that became a big part of what I wanted to do with this book. To encourage communication and to encourage men to talk about things that affect them deeply.”
Telling stories that need to be told
Adam Farrer. Photo by Simon Buckley.
The power of vulnerability, of being willing to bare all in a bid to help others see that they’re not alone, is at the heart of this book. Whether it’s the cringe of being caught pretending to be Prince in your bedroom mirror by your unbelievably cool older brother, or the slow erosion of self-esteem during years of brutal bullying by boys in pursuit of alpha male status, these essays will strike a chord with many readers.
“I try to look at ideas of masculinity, in particular failed masculinity, from different angles,” says Farrer. He is happy to offer himself up as a sacrifice to bring this to life. “I’m willing to completely embarrass and expose myself to get to the heart of stories that I feel need to be told.”
Suicide, grief and trauma of all kinds are examined in these essays. It’s a brave book, no doubt. But it’s also hilarious, and the humour is key to making difficult subjects accessible. Farrer acknowledges that it’s a fine balance.
Of course, you don’t want to undermine or belittle these important issues, but when you’re taking someone into a dark place, humour helps. Broken Biscuits, like Farrer’s first book Cold Fish Soup, is a book I’ll tell everyone to read, and not just because of the vital message it shares, but because it’s so funny and moreish. I don’t want to say addictive because that implies the kind of feverish compulsion reserved for page-turner thrillers. This text is altogether more comforting and gentle, despite its heavy subject matter. Broken Biscuits, like a good batch of shortbread, keeps you coming back for more. Just another chapter. Oh, go on then. I’ll stop now. Maybe another one before bed.
Adam Farrer and Justin Moorhouse. Image courtesy of HarperNorth.
I ask Farrer whether part of him wanted one of his mum’s broken biscuits to feature on the cover (no spoilers, but they’re a bit rude). Aside from the fact that HarperNorth would have struggled to get X-rated baking on the shelves of Waterstones, according to Farrer his publisher “needed something more cerebral”. Fair enough.
The headless Adonis on the book cover is how we got talking about Gladiators. Growing up, Farrer saw comic book superheroes and WWE wrestling pros’ impossible physiques as the ideal body that he would never attain. Kids internalise this stuff, says Farrer. “I certainly did, and I tormented myself for not looking that way.”
But the perfect body is not what you need to succeed in life, and it’s not, as so many men assume, what women actually want. Farrer and I talk about the recent viral ‘before and after’ photos of Olly Murs following a punishing fitness regime – the first showing Murs in good nick, the second showing him alarmingly shredded. Women overwhelmingly preferred the first, pre-shredded photo, and this news pissed off a lot of men.
I’m not going to stop my kids watching Gladiators, that would be daft. I just have to hope that my efforts elsewhere are enough to give them a healthy perspective on these things, and that they learn to appreciate and celebrate the beautiful spectrum of diversity that is real life.
Meanwhile, Farrer’s daughter Effie is 19 and her outlook brings him hope. The book’s exploration of their relationship is a joy, and his achievement in maintaining it as a divorced dad is an inspiration. In an early essay, Farrer recalls a childhood summer spent searching for treasure, but to no avail. Since then, he has maintained an unwavering belief that he will find something priceless, in spite of the odds and the awful things that happen along the way. He was right.
Broken Biscuits and Other Mail Failures by Adam Farrer is available to buy. Click here for more information.
